okcupid profile lol

My self-summary

This is long as fuck! Challenge: read my whole page XD. Do you accept?

*Ahem* Welcome to Macey’s profile! (mah nickname) warning! crazy/weirdness ahead. Turn back now or let your curiosity take the best of you! And boy, is it a looonng profile. Don’t go tellin' me you read it when I know you haven't! C'mon...continue...it gets interesting =P. If you don't like to read you might as well skip me and continue down ur match list! (Lovely ladies: feel free to skip down to #2 on things I'm willing to admit (but still read the rest) if ur confused lol. I know, srry abt all the scrolling!)

If you read this and are like O.O wtf. I can’t say I didn't warn you =P. Yes, I use a lot of internet speak and spell things my own way. If it bothers you, then stop reading pl0x =P. I write this way because I want to, not because I'm illiterate. Also because it’s the fucking internet, not an essay, you grammar Nazis. I also cus/swear a bit, but I try not to overdo it; then it just becomes meaningless. Oh and feel free to ask questions abt anything that might sound confusing. Now lets go watch the tourettes guy PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS lmao XD

Actually, the reason why my profile is so long is because I'm very serious abt love and finding the right person and so you can get to know me well, other than just a couple of sentences. Also because I have gotten to know myself well over the years and I want to be very open. So I want to be very specific, in hopes of that special person reading it. Also for my own references (actually that's the main reason lol) and because I would like to actually get to know people and would like them to do the same and see who gives a damn.

I'm also looking for friends. Platonic relationships, or maybe pirate ships :p. But keep reading to meet an amazing person/future friend. Send me a message if you want to be part of my life/want me to be part of yours!

Well hi lol! Now hmm what to write here? >.> I'm looking for someone who can accept me for who I am and will be like a best friend, but more. I'm like a kid at heart. I'm a weirdo and prowd of it. And prowd to spell prowd with a w! I like to be real with people and to myself.

If you're looking for anything sexual, just stop reading and find someone else. I'm done with this bs.

I'm honestly considering becoming celibate/not having sex anymore until im married. and for the record, I'm NOT into bdsm, dd/lg, etc. aint nobody gonna be in control of me, but me.

I feel that I am: Grey Asexual - I’m only sexually attracted under specific circumstances.
Panromantic - Doesn’t matter the gender/sex. but i do lean towards more non masculine people.
Genderfluid/polygender/androgyne - most of the time i'm in a "girl" mind set, (actually now that i think abt this wat does it even mean to be in a girl mind set?) but i say this only because when i am Mikey, he identifies as a boy/sort of masculine, but androgynous. and the Pido is a shemale soooo yea :P

http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Gender_Wiki

~ love is friendship set on fire ~

Let’s see, I like to draw. I wouldn't consider myself anime/manga obsessed but I do like it (Ok that's an understatement >.> otaku attack!!! XD). I haven't actually seen many, but I have a huge collection of pic’s on my computer. It’s like I do more picture research than actually watching them! I suppose that is because I love the art style. I’ve read a few manga's. I love!!! Absolute Boyfriend it reminds me of my life so much. Alice Academy <3 And Lucky Star is awesomeee!! I want to get my own Deathnote, not because i want to kill ppl lol just because it would be awesome.

I love toys, dolls, stuffed animals, cute/kawaii stuff, decor, steampunk, etc. I love to dress up in crazy costumes. I love designing just about anything. Candy! I love my computer! And I enjoy electronics in general. I love playing games. I enjoy every console I get the chance to experience, but I am more familiar with a PlayStation controller (I own a PS2, PS3, & PSP). I love to learn. I love listening to soft/slow music while in the car at night. I think that would be a wonderful romantic evening. Did I mention I'm random lol?

I’ve actually grown very cold over the past year or so. Too much bs in such little time. It’s like a switch in my brain has just turned off. I sorta don’t feel like myself anymore, but I guess I’m just not used to it. I used to be very emotional, (i still am) I would cry very easily. Now it takes me a while to work up a tear sometimes. But I do still have my random cry times too. I appreciate those. I like to be in touch with my emotions, and it takes a strong person to do so. “Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you have been strong for too long.”

(sorry, no offense to anyone here but I need to get this out there!!) I DO NOT want guys twice as old as me trying to talk to me (in a romantic/sexual way). >.< So if your like 35+ forget it! Don't do the creep. But I could be your friend. Friends onlyyyyyyy. Same with anyone who ummm, how can I put this nicely? Doesn’t take care of themselves. As in: Bathing, reallllly bad weight, is on really bad drugs and sht, ect. friends onlyyyyy!! and probably only online.

I'm not a fan of: uber hairy guys lol, manly muscle macho men. lmao M.M.M.M., trashy...ummm yea lol. Sorry if I offend you, I'm not trying to be mean or be an ass. thats just not my cup of tea. I have an eye for certain things and who I wanna be with. I guess that comes with my inner artist, but I mean I think a lot of ppl tend to also. Then they wind up settling... which I’m trying not to do!! >.< If I scare you off then I'm sorry, that's just me. I guess it wasn't meant to be. Even if you are anyone of those things, you're still an amazing person. Just not meant for me.

Also I realized, I guess I do have alot of "baggage". If i moved i would have alot too lol. but, I'm complicated n so is my life =/. which tends to suck. anywayssss...

I am crazy-weirdy, unique-spunky, and cutey-wooty (lol, why did they that part out at the top >.<)

and wtf the personality traits they give don't describe me at all! Unless I answered questions wrong cuz I misunderstood >.>

btw, gratz on getting thro the first section of my profile. (this section reserved for if im taken/dont ask lol for my own references) (IM TAKEN. Just here for friends as of now)) I'm not piss who put that there >.> No I'm not poop either :p (dont ask lol)

What I’m doing with my life

Let's see...It's now 2015: Now my job is being a mommy & going back to school this fall. I have a son & a daughter. My son's name is Zephaniah. I Love you lil man(ers)/mayonaise! and my daughters name is Miyah :) *maya the beeeeeeeee* lol that damn show! just recently born. THANK GOD FOR NOT BEING PREGO ANYMORE!! LOL

Other things I'm doing include: playing RS =P (99 con, def, herb, farm, mining, smithing, crafting & fm in that order :D), drawing, something artsy/creative, sewing, dinking around/lolly gagging/dilly dallying (lol), looking up things online, playing another game, getting to know myself better, and doing a lot of deep thinking o.O.

Well, I had my 1st job experience, designing textures for iPhone games/applications. That didn't last long at all and i didnt even get paid wat i was supposed to >.>. Then I went through the smart center and their job program. I was taking these classes called "element k" and learning more about diff computer programs, so I'll be good to go for my future job. They were able to give me a temporary job through Kixe channel 9 TV. I was an Auction "Volunteer". That lasted for a month & 1/2. (back in 2011)

My parents are...have been... going through a divorce and (ruining my life) everything is always stressful and up in the air, so i don't like to talk to them as much as I want to be able to, also other stressful experiences that have occurred in my life. So I apologize for my depressive-ness, or if it sounds like I’m bching.

~ Runescape ~

As of right now! At this very moment! I'm probably on my comp =P. playing Runescape (yea I'm a bit obsessed with it. I’ve been playing for like 10+ years) or i would be on the Sims Social on fb, played that since it came out, and then they fucking shut it down :( all that hard work wtf. Or I could be on RvB (redvsblue.com) I used to use that b4 fb, but I haven't been on lately since it laggs like hell. More than MySpace. I'm on Facebook also, just ask. Btw, dial up internet sucks ass!!! I'm so glad I'm not living at my dad’s anymore and we have cable internet now!!! wooty!

I’m really good at

drawing, computers, video games, Runescape (lol), organization (ocd tendencies), science sometimes, creative things, caring about others, understanding n learning.

I make my own anime style (it’s like regular cartoons/ anime combined in a way) I like it ^_^ It’s cute. I take bits n pieces I learn here n there and I make it in a way I know how to do and understand. I want to be with someone who appreciates my artwork and creative energy! It means a lot to me. Gimme some inspiration!

~ art/expression <3 ~

I like expressing myself in other ways other than drawing too. Like with my hair. I love doing diff things with it. colors =P. I like singing also (some ppl don't really know that) I do it mainly by myself tho. I have been becoming more open with it (yea, if I’m drunk lol). Clothes, buttons, random stuff, cooking. I like anything where you can express yourself and go crazy with it. (customizing. choices of things. etc) Great quote I made up when I got my hair cut: "hair is like soup, add just a little bit of mushroom (for volume), but not too much or it's too over powering."

~ ahaahahaahhaa =P ~

Humor - I enjoy making ppl laugh and laughing along. I like to be original with it most of the time and think up my own funny responses. But there are some occasions that remind me of something else that makes you want to say a quote. BOB SAGGET! (The Tourettes Guy) A lot of my humor is sex based lol. But it’s different from what you’re probably used to. I really don't know how to describe it. You just have to put your mind in a whole other realm. It’s just more of a silly. Not something serious/literal or something that your mind might first go to. It’s more random. It might be considered immature, but who cares as long as you're havin’ fun right?

The first things people usually notice about me

Bright colors. My crazy hair colors, umm idk wat do u first notice? (ofc its the hair from my pictures lol)
My quietness in rl? Weirdness? Maybe my personality? My child-like ness? I’m sure ppl notice other things but not really sure wat else. Hard to put myself in their shoes in that way.

ooohhh oooohh i know!!!

~ the Pido and Mikey ~

*Pido raips u the first time we meet*

Now you’re probably like "wtf?!?!? I'm getting raiped? o.o"
It’s different than "rape". Rape = bad. Pido raip = good. More like a compassionate/funny humping lolz. But still it’s hard to really describe, you would just have to get to know me/the Pido to understand. It’s just her/my way of showing I (we) care. Wow lmao at that explanation.

Check out this link. though it may just be a glimpse of how i feel, it has alot to say: http://www.livescience.com/8737-grown-ups-security-blankets.html

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Movies: Tremors, Honey, Serendipity, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Saw series, Disturbia, Jay and Silent bob strike back, Happy Gilmore, What Love is, Twilight, Transformers, Armageddon, Hannibal series, Silent hill 1&2, Blade, Ratatouille, actually I like most any movie...

~ Thrillers, Action, Adventure, Romance, Comedy ~

Music:

My favorite artist's = Eminem (Slim Shady, Marshal Mathers), D12, Mario, YMCMB (Young Money Cash Money Billionaires) but more specifically: Nicki Minaj (Onika Tanya Maraj), Lil Wayne (Weezy F, Tunechi). Continuing: Musiq Soulchild, Dr. Dre, Chris Brown, B.O.B, Diggy, Melanie Martinez, Alessia Cara, Kyary pamyu pamyu (pon pon pon girl).

(how do i do a hyperlink on hereeee)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Young_Money_Entertainment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cash_Money_Records

I mostly listen to R&B, rap, & hip hop. But I also like: j-pop, lil kids songs, techno, some country, some rock, alternative, punk, jazz, soul, and gospel. etc. all diff kinds! So many genres to choose from! How can you choose just a couple! It really depends on the song & sound! I'm not a big fan of rock cuz honestly I cant understand what they are saying half of the time and idk I don't care for the sound. I really want to find someone I feel comfortable playing my music around and we can rock out together.

~ Something with a good beat/sound/voice ~

Food: potatoes, country gravy!, tomatoes, artichokes, okra, squash, olives, pineapple, pears, fruits n veggies, chips (I like all kinds but I LOVE: kettle cooked maui onion, or if i can find them lays pickle chips!) fried stuff that's tastes so uber good but is bad for you, sweets, salty lol. Candyyyyy. My fave drinks/thirst quenchers would be: Cran-grape juice, Minute Maid berry punch, POPCICLES (otterpops or big ones from walmart), and ofc snowconesssssss :D I'm not really a vegetarian, but I don't like/can’t have meat that much, so I'm kind of one. I have a disease – Isovaleric Acidemia. Feel free to look it up. Otherwise it’s a long story lol. But when it does come to meat I like fatty meat, like: bacon, sausage, steak fat, some chicken, and shrimp.

http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/isovaleric-acidemia

FYI: Corn is a starch! (lmao frosty the snow man movie)

~ Potatoesssssssssssssss! ~

Video games: Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy X-2, Final Fantasy XII, Spyro the Dragon series, Runescape, the Sims, Crash Bandicoot, Dark Cloud 1&2, Baulders Gate, Soul Caliber 3, God of War 1&2, Secondlife, Soul Caliber...

~ Tidus & Yuna <3 ~

Colors: pink, orange, lime green, [those = JRM] blue, yellow. But all colors are awesome. Rainbow ftw! RAINBOW PLAID <3 Pink and white together are also soo kawaii :) Most of the time I'm more into color combos, like JRM, VMG (pink, green, and blue) or Cocaine Reindeer's (MAM) = Blue, Orange, Pink. See bold line below and the link (my website im working on), feel free to ask :)

http://www.freewebs.com/jrmshrb/index.htm

~ JRM shrb & the Vending Machine group ~

TV: I like all of the Flavor of Love seasons and the I love New York seasons. Law and Order SVU, Once Upon a Time, Seinfeld, The Drew Cary Show, The Secret Circle, Supernatural, Miami ink, other ink shows. I’ve always loved nickelodeon, grew up with it. Rugrats ftw! game shows are interesting, Family Feud, wheel of fortune. And for others it depends on wats on Tv! anime/live action: Absolute Boyfriend, Alice Academy, Manabi Straight, Moetan, Deathnote, Fate/Stay Night, Lucky Star, SwordArt Online, Madoka Magica, Inu-Yasha, Mushi-shi, Lil Pri…

~ Cartoons/Anime ~

Books: Lenore the cute little dead girl, Absolute Boyfriend, Alice Academy, Fall in love like a Comic, Disgaea, .Hack, Twilight (only really watched the movies lol), The Full Spectrum, medieval related or King Arthur. Most manga’s I like. It really depends on the book. Has to have something of interest =P or blank pages to draw in! and can't forget the Bible!

~ Lenore <3 ~

The six things I could never do without

- God
- My stuff lol. I’m not trying to be a material person, but I just kinda am =/ and I think I figured out why, not 100% sure. I feel as tho ppl can hurt me so much more than any item can, weather its emotionally or physically (well not a heavy item in motion lol. But you know wat I mean), and ofc sentimental attachment/value/memories are/is very veryyyyyyy strong to me. So that's why I'm so attached to my things.
- My computer
- Mikey - very long explanation. Kinda complicated. He is a brat doll (cameron). I’ve created his personality in my mind. My own idea of the perfect guy 4 me. I feel as tho if I can’t have the right guy in rl, then why not make him somewhat real. Feel free to ask questions lol, I'll try to explain.
- RvB
- Runescape
- A bath in the morning (squeaky clean! =P)
- Pidos <3
- Multi Plaid!

I try not to get too wrapped up in the world but it’s kinda hard not too now days. But God is there for me at all times. And remember! God made u special and he loves u very much. ^_^ (lol yes that was taken from Veggie Tales)

Muahahaahahaa i put in 9!

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Love. Finding the right person. Concepts/Semantics. How things work. Different things, depends on my mood. Runescape lol. Sex lol. Not in the way u were thinking! >.> I think of it more in a funny since, not like I want it (cuz I don't!!! not for a longggggggggggggg time) Ya know a good place to think is in the tub. idk it just helps me think. Get to relax n let my mind wander. It just helps my thinking process. Great ideas are formed there. Like this one: only carbs/breads allowed to be eaten in the tub! Cake! Feel free to ask why. No, the reason is not logical!

~ Mikey/my idea of the ultimate guy for me ~

If I were to use adjectives to describe the type of person/people I'm attracted to, they would be: cute/sophisticated, even a lil bit girly. (wearing or liking pink does not make you less manly! to me. being a man is abt owning up to your responsibilities) To me, my usage of the word "sexy", to describe someone, is very different from most other people’s opinions or uses of that word. Some girls might say one guy is hot, while I really don't think so lol. "hot" and "sexy" really have different meanings for different people. So when I use them then they're a lot more meaningful/tasteful, especially considering u wont hear me say that much, and not like...slutty/trashy, I guess lol (if that makes since). I'm not the type to lust after or be obsessed with movie stars/famous ppl. But I have to admit, Jessica Alba (as far as women go) has got it goin on! And so does Nicki Minaj’s crazy style :P

I know this is odd to have a list like this on your page, but how else will ppl know what I'm looking for? Plus it's mainly for my own references. This is a summary what I do want out of a guy/Mikey's qualities. (This is mostly male specific. I need to make a female version) I want someone:

-Understanding - not so judgmental.
-With a sunny disposition - good/positive overall mood.
-if I'm depressed, someone who will listen to what I have to say. Not necessarily try to make things better, but just hear me out. just be there for me when possible. just because I cry, doesn't mean it’s bad. Sometimes i just need to vent.
-integrity.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Which-one-quality-is-more-important-for-every-human-being-and-why_2
-Will stay with me thro thick and thro thin. thro my ups and downs and psychotic moments. Who is serious and wont just back out of a relationship when things go wrong. (things tend to go wrong a lot)
-Has some balls lol. (I don't mean literally, I mean like the phrase lol)
-Genuine.
-Original.
-Honest. That also applies to being honest abt your feelings with me and with yourself.
-Loves to laugh.
-Non aggressive and not easy to anger.
-Can resist temptation from other girls. Can turn down any girl, no matter their looks. No matter if it's their ex or someone they are close to. There’s a difference in shortly looking/glancing at some1 and thinking their attractive/pretty, and lookinggggg at them and getting turned on.
-Has specific taste/Is drawn to me, with the last one being said, isnt just attracted to any female in the room. knows what he wants out of a person.
-Would like to slow dance with me and have a romantic evening.
-Similar to me but still diff- similar interests, similar humor, etc.
-Will appreciate the things I like also. Not dis them.
-Kind - to most everyone. Doesn't just hate ppl for something random without getting to know the person. Hate is a strong word. and shouldn't be thrown around like it is. Just because Justin Beiber is young and doesn't have as much talent as they make him out to have and makes more money than u doesn't mean you should hate him lol. He just let sht get to his head.
-Someone who will stand up for me, and try to do the right thing. even if the right thing isn't the most popular thing.
-Support my goals and be involved in them. and set goals for himself.
-Be a man. Do God’s will.
-Open minded abt most things.
-Intelligent.
-Fun.
-Modest.
-Calm
-Crazy - in a good way.
-Loving.
-Real.
-Respectful.
-Courageous.
-Supportive.
-Independent, but not so full of pride to let it go over the top.
-Takes care of himself, for himself. SHOWERS OFTEN! PREFERABLY EVERY DAY! WITH SOAP/SHAMPOO/CONDITIONER!
-Every1 has some bad things abt them, its natural (have you seen the game show baggage lol?), no one is perfect, but I want someone that is more so a good/kind hearted person, has that bit of innocence, or at least the same good % as I am lolz? (No idk wat my % would be considered!)
-Compassionate.
-Gentleman/Chivalric.
-Treats me as his equal. or his #2 (because the self always comes first) I'm the queen, he is the king.
-Some old fashioned ness, but not overboard. depends.
-To protect me from the scary noises at night =P.
-Will do their best to help me when I need it.
-Is ok with weed, but doesn't go overboard/is addicted to it/abuse it.
-Outgoing/active - but doesn't expect me to do anything with them that I really don't want to do/are scared to do.
-Passionate abt something and gives it their all.
-Somewhat fearless/or confident (or at least more than I am lol)
-Believes in God - has Jesus in their heart.
-Around my age.
-Well rounded with many things/learning new things/experienced.
-Preferably cute lol, - (my definition of cute, for the ultimate guy cuteness, would be Tidus from final fantasy X *drools*) but doesn't use it to his advantage!! Max Theriot & Austin Mahone are good cute examples as well lol.
-Patient - with waiting and other things. Someone who will not force themselves on me (even if they're intoxicated) and will wait until I'm ready to do w/e it may be, sort of let me be in charge of when things happen, and not leave me just cuz they aren't getting any.
-I want a fucking prince charming lol!

Ummm... can’t think of anything else. More to come in the future =P. oh and just so you know, ethnicity/race doesn't matter to me, I am not against mixed (is that the right word?) couples. So don't be afraid. If u truly, deep down, feel like you have a lot of these, then send me a message. Now let’s see how well I can remember this quote lol.

~ "Love is like a one way street coming from you out. - Like giving a present at Christmas; you give it because you want to, not expecting anything. If you do get anything in return, that's a bonus, that's extra." ~

Here is an article about courage:
http://alexstrandberg.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/what-it-means-to-be-a-man-635258.html
This is such a good read and so true. READ IT! This guy has a lot of other great articles too!

On a typical Friday night I am

Runescape!!!! Or doing something random on the comp. or hw. Or with my friends if I'm lucky. Ya never know, depends on the plans. No I'm not a party animal. I don't have the energy for that. But dancing is fun at times! So is drinking! I'm just saying. I don't usually plan anything specific on a Friday o.O. and weekends are time with the kids/family.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

Well here are a few things actually, not in any particular order.

1. I do smoke weed now and then. Not very often. I like the perspective it gives me. Also for medicinal purposes to relieve my anxiety (unless it does the opposite). The most I smoke is like 2-3 times a week max (usually way less). that's just something I do (not to mention surrounded by). I don't like when people abuse it though. Educational: Watch the movie The Union! it’s on Netflix or was, idk anymore. Awesome documentary. I don't have a problem with it because its a plant. Its natural (unless some1 fucked with it). The only actual "bad" thing for you is the smoke (particles in the lungs). but look at how many ppl smoke cigarettes and those are legal and kill more ppl? Radioactivity! hmmm yea...

~ Jay & Silent bob =P ~

2. I don't wanna be labeled! I've changed my status thing on here from bi to straight several times. I have never been in a rl relationship with a girl. Most of the time, I find more women that are attractive compared to men. but either way, what ever a persons sex (how they were born) or gender (how they feel inside) identity, it would have to be a romantic relationship. I'm not a 1 night stand kind of person.

tbh if i had to put a label to it i think i would be a sort of demi-pan-sexual. sometimes i feel asexual or grey A, but its just because the people i find attractive aren't very common i guess. Just because I use the word pan doesn't mean I'm attracted to everyone. Quite the contrary actually. I have a few particular types that i find visually attractive. and then of course there needs to be a relationship/romantic interest. I have dated ppl that i didn't find attractive what so ever (over 90% of my ex's lmao), but i gave them a shot. u never know what someone is like until you get to know them. But it t would be nice to be with someone I'm actually attracted to.

I had a list of my ex's here, but u know Wat. Fuck them! They don't deserve a spot on my page.

~ The past = unchangeable. Let’s try to learn from the past & build towards the future ~

Anyways... Wat I'm getting at is, if I date a girl it would be it would be a new experience. I've had a lot of bad experiences in my life. I've been pressured into things I didn't want to do (including sex, cohersion/rape. Whatever u wanna label it as) I've learned that love means so much more than sex ever will. I could go the rest of my life without sex from some1 else and not give a damn. But if I had to go the rest of my life without love it would suck asssssssssssss. I've also learned a lot abt consent.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD2EooMhqRI

~ > Think b4 you just do it! < ~

Now I feel as tho anything sexual has become an experimental learning experience. (Most often bad) And that I won’t have a good time unless I am really comfortable with someone and are in love. So it will take a long time for that to develop once I meet the right person. I want to take things slow and do my best not to rush.

~ "It's not about the sex/orgasm, it never was. It's abt the walk up the stairs" ~

And 3, Because of all of the above and my father being an alcoholic and being verbally abusive. I have a lot of issues, PTSD, depression, attachment issues, and I'm kind of become afraid of men in a since. I've realized that when I'm in a room where there more guys than girls (or at least ppl I find intimidating) I get really quiet and kinda twitchy. It's like I can feel the fear swelling up and I just want to gtfo. I want to find a guy that makes me feel safe (and continues to do so. Not just for the beginning of the relationship). A guy that A guy that won’t give up on the relationship cuz he actually loves me for me and wants to be there for me through the good and that bad and hopefully makes the bad into good! o.o

~ aaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhh lol ~

Even tho this is already long as fuck. I wanted to add a lil more. I'm very complicated and I'm very up front, but I'm also still very scared. U wanna know why? cuz it feels like every person who I've ever had a relationship with never cared abt me the same way I cared abt them. It makes me wonder. Was I even loved? Did they even give a sht? Did they appreciate me for me? Cuz it doesn't feel like it. They say we only go after the love we think we deserve (wallflower). I read an article that talked abt you love someone out of the goodness you find in them, "What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good" I guess I haven't had much luck finding some1 like myself because I'm so unique. And I love my unique-ness but at the same time it can be a curse...

You should message me if

-U wanna get to know me more. As if u don’t know me enough already >.> lol

-If you made it this far (and actually read everything) then gratzz!!! And ty for reading! Message me if you liked/weren't bothered by what you read =P

-If you have anything random you want to talk abt or similar interests. We can be friendzzzzz.

Wow I put wayyyyy to much on here. How are u supposed to get to know me now if u already do :o.

There’s other things not fully explained abt me in here (thank God lol) but if u are daring enough to want to get to know me, you'll get to know those things over time. My weird-ness.
"And that's what makes the world go round..." =P

Feel free to message me n just beeeeeeeeeee ur self ^_^ (Genie from Aladdin)
Narrator: The bees are buzzing.
Bee: Buzz buzzzzzzzzz
Narrator: Whoa! Look at that one go!!

To love and be loved my Pido to be

True love -

Ah love... when I think about love it makes me want to speak old English. Doth not know the meaning of love? What is love anyways. Is it that funny feeling we feel inside when we see someone were fond of. What about love for your family? friends? things? animals? Now I don't know everything, but I do know some things. And I'd like to share with you my thoughts and experiences on love.

There are many different kinds of love as I mentioned. I once did this paper on songs that I had to relate to (egos, agapos. etc. note: find paper and elaborate)

So many people have the idea of love different from what it is truly meant to be.

In this particular post I mainly want to talk about how true love is not possessive. It is not self seeking. It is not jealous.

It is unconditional. - without condition.

Sure it's great to have things (I'm more so talking abt physical) that you really like about the person. Their hair, their style etc. But those things are very separate. They can be connected to love, but they are not part of love itself. Does that make sense? Projecting what we want on a person is possessive. Loving a person for those things isn't real love. You can appreciate* those things about them. We all have our preferences and there is nothing wrong with having them. But those things mean next to nothing when compared to real love.

Prince Ea talks about it:

How amazing <3

One of my favorite movies, which has taught me a lot of other very meaningful things. Taught me about what love really is. It is a gift.

What Love Is Quote's - Amy: Do you know what love really is, Tom? Love is a one way street, going from you out. And you give it because it makes you feel good to give it. Because when you give it, it makes you strong. And that crazy, vulnerable, out of control scary feeling, feeling that most people think is love? It's not really love at all; it's just the need to be loved. And believe me, its a really different thing. Real love isn't "I love you" hoping the other person is going to say it too. It's just, I love you. Its like giving someone a gift at Christmas, and if you get anything back, that's a bonus, that's extra. But you shouldn't NEED to receive it, cause the true strength is in the giving of it. But then again, that's just what I think. And what do I know? I don't know anything.

I would like to also address the meaning of some words:

(verb) *understand: to perceive the intended meaning of (words, a language, or speaker). to perceive the significance, explanation, or cause of (something). to be sympathetically or knowledgeably aware of the character or nature of. to interpret or view (something) in a particular way. (verb) *appreciate: to recognize the full worth of. to be grateful for (something).  (noun) *acceptance: the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered. the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable. agreement with or belief in an idea, opinion, or explanation I am putting these definitions here for me or you (the reader) to keep track of the differences when used. Sometimes they get used interchangeably when the speaker actually means one of them specifically or maybe a whole diff word needs to be used.  For example the 2nd definition (that I didn't put up above) of appreciate is: to understand (a situation) fully; recognize the full implications of. Sometimes we mix words because their meanings are so similar. And you still might get the point across. But lets be specific here.   Here's an analogy that I thought of through an  experience I had. If someone offers you a peanut butter jelly "love" sandwich. Don't take it. It's a trap. Jelly meaning: Jealousy. When someone becomes jealous/possessive over you.  Also, be careful when using the term "My" (like what Prince Ea said.) And the peanut butter representing sticking to that person or them wanting you to stick to them. Throw that shit out and make yourself a new sandwich. Its sorta like that phase: If you love someone set them free. Because if they love you as well,  they will return. Funny Lenore quote: (Other definitions I'm going to use/haven't gotten to yet)   Agape (Ancient Greek: ἀγάπη, agápē) is  "love: the highest form of love, especially  brotherly love, charity; the love of God for  man and of man for God." a·mi·a·ble ˈāmēəb(ə)l/ adjective adjective: amiable having or displaying a friendly and pleasant manner. al·tru·is·tic ˌaltro͞oˈistik/ adjective adjective: altruistic showing a disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others; unselfish.

M's Beauty Routine/Review Part 2

M's Beauty Routine/Review Part 2

Welcome! Long time no see! If you haven't read part 1 yet go check that one out first!

Alright so part 2. We've already showered and are semi dressed (I say semi because I like to put on a comfy pajama type of shirt, pajama shorts, (pajama sam! lol random), and undies (drugs) to get ready in. this is when i (if i remember) to put on deodorant.

Time to take our hair out of the towel and blow dry. I don't have a specific blow dryer to recommend, but here is a picture of mine. as long as it has enough pressure coming out.

A key part of blow drying is combing your hair in the direction you want it to go first. otherwise when you blow dry it will be all over the place and wont want to cooperate. be careful when brushing your hair while it is wet. being wet causes it to be more elastic and can break easier, so be gentle.

the cool setting on the blow dryer can help to set the style you want. similar concept to hair spray but not as much hold, still helpful though.

next comes the time to style your hair. which is completly up to you and your mood on how you want to go about it. i'll go on with what my norm is.

next i usually always straighten my hair. i dont put any type of heat protectant in my hair but i probably should. but i think my hair handles things pretty well. i prefer a straighter with rounded/curved edges to i can make my hair curve in or flip out.

So far this is my favorite straighter, but its outdated so its hard to find =/. if you know of another one that is like this let me know!

I also like this one because if your hair is still damp it is made for just that.






Alright time to add any hair clips/bows/headbands/hair accessories. add any braids, sections put up, etc. ta da! yayyy so pretty :D

Ive found that alligator hair clips hold the best (below). i always worry about my hair clips falling out. the way these are designed, the teeth and pressure helps grab the hair and holds on really well.

Wooty! Hair is done!

(this step and the next can be flip flopped)

time to get dressed for real! pick out the outfit/coordinate/color scheme that suits your mood. i usually pick a color(s) and then pick pieces that go well together. i tend to layer things because usually just one layer doesn't cut it. i am very modest when it comes to showing off my body. i dont like plunging neck lines or too short of shorts. so if i wear a shirt or something like that i will layer with another shirt that hides my cleavage. that way i can still wear the shirt i want on the outside and sill be covered.

oh btw, LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. leggings are AMAZINGGGGGGGGG but should be worn with another bottom piece (shorts, skirt, dress etc)






alright now that we're fully dressed (damn have to wear a bra >.<) time for make up! most of the time i skip this step either because its too hot or i just didn't have enough time. but if i do put on some i either just do my eyes or go all out. go big or go home! :D alright all i can say is be careful not to get any on your clothes. if you are wearing something fancy then maybe switch these steps and get dressed last.

make up routine:

first things first. tools:

Beauty blender. i dont know the difference between a knock off and the name brand. mine is a knock off and i like it. was like less than a dollar on ebay.





next, make up brushes. i have these hello kitty ones. they were really cheap on ebay aswell. i like that they are labled what each one is for and are pink :D. i keep them in cup type of container with beads inside. the beads make it easy to just stick back in and hold upright.







 
i like to keep some eyeshadow applicators around aswell. they come in handy.



 i just started using concealer. i know some people put this on top of foundation. i prefer/ think is should go under. then you can put foundation on top. i had a coupon and picked this kind. mainly because it is oil free and had the most fluid ounces. apply under eyes in an upside down triangle formation and any other places than need concealing. blot with beauty blender.




foundation time! i use the oil control. same with the powder. i apply small amounts all over and then blot/blend in. i don't usually put any on my forehead because i have bangs.

powder time. apply all over with the poof it comes with.

next i suppose you could contour if you want. i don't usually bother but id like to play around with it more. i have learned that it is better to contour with a powder that is darker than your skin tone rather than a bronzer. less orangy appearance.


after that add a touch of blush to the apples of your cheeks



alright now that face is done. time for eyes :D

i always use a primer first. helps keep eyeshadow on and makes it stand out better. i bought mine at sallys. i love this one because its in a stick form. easy to apply and put away.

i dont have a particular eyeshadow that i use. i have several. i just use whichever color(s) match my outfit.

pretty colorrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

next is mascara.

i dont have a favorite. i chose this kind from watching michelle phan. i also have another kind that is water proof.



i recently bought one of these on ebay because alot of the time after i do my eyeshadow and i start doing my mascara i fuck it up by getting mascara on my lid >.<.

ok eyes are done unless your adding fake lashes. or using eyeliner. i want to use eyeliner but it scares me lol.

last but not least. lippos!

right now i just have pink and normal lip colors but i plan on getting some blue, green,orange,yellow, bright! lipstick!





and ta da!

ready for pictures :D

finally made it through part 2! thanks for tuning in. hmm now wat to put for a video.

Zombie barbie! i love her vids! i learned alot abt make up from her. and youtube in general lol.

o0o0o liquid latex <3

Negativity

Negativity

Wb Gaters! (I said later gaters before)

I need to make a blog about acronyms I use often.
 

So last time we talked about being positive. Yay! This time I'm going to talk about being negative. Why? because they're opposites, and they both deserve to be addressed. Also the balance needs to be retained. (I brought up last time that thing about the Winxclub, darkness & light, yin-yang etc.)

I need to make a reference thing so if I'm talking about an old post I can just put that in

Also I will be making a separate post for depression (a form of
something that is negative) So I wont talk about it much in this one 

Alright so lets check out the dick...tionairy :P Pido: ahem!

¹neg·a·tive

adjective \ˈne-gə-tiv\

: harmful or bad : not wanted
: thinking about the bad qualities of someone or something : thinking that a bad result will happen : not hopeful or optimistic

: expressing dislike or disapproval

Also, tbh, I really don't understand the whole "keep calm" pictures hype, but some I like and that's why I use them.

Positive is good and useful. Negative is bad, harmful, and unwanted.

Can being negative be useful tho? Possibly, probably in a negative way in which you wont like the outcome. Or if you're Eminem and you just make it all make since! Shit when I feel upset/angry/negative he is seriously all I want to listen to. Just put on "kill you" and let me vibe lol. Check out the end for more keep calms because, well, they're funny.

It is so difficult to keep that negative shit out of our minds. It just influences us in such a way that it just keeps coming back to haunt us. normally that is bad but we can sometimes twist it around so that we can extract the goodness out of the badness.

For my writing class we had to talk about the intro to chapter 1 and respond to 2 other people. Someone (Nolan) talked about how life is so crazy but in our dreams we can do w/e we want. "Life is filled with rules and is so harsh, whereas dreams let the mind run wild and there aren’t any restrictions to what you can do." - Nolan brace.


It made me think about what I am writing here and I responded with:

- I like what you said near the end. It is so weird how we are surrounded by all this negative yet we can take that and change it into something amazing in our minds. And then express it through various means. So in that since it makes the negative parts of our life not as bad in the end. They pass and we manage to put that bad part of it in the back of our minds but keep the good in the front and think of that. Even tho the negative hurt us and the pain is still there, if it weren't for it, those amazing thoughts wouldn't have been there either. Man I love how everything has a balance lol. -

I think that sometimes we just need to go through those negative feelings, process them, and get them out of the way to make room for positive ones. Lets face it, we are human. It is ok if you feel upset/angry/sad/confused. Don't let anyone put you down because of how you feel. And don't put up with people who say, "just get over it". It doesn't fucking work that way. Yes, it is something that eventually needs to be gotten over, but you still need to analyze those feelings and deal with them.

Ways to deal:

If you need to cry then cry. If you feel like you need to punch something, grab a pillow or buy a punching bag. If you want to throw something maybe buy a football or one of those nerf balls and throw it outside. If you feel like you need to kill someone! Go play a video game with lots of killing involved, or go on a walk. If your arguing with someone, let that someone know that it is time for a time out and distance yourselves until you both cool down. Otherwise your just gonna end up saying things you regret. you could also listen to music like i have posted, you could write a journal of how you feel, or even just call a friend who you know will listen. There are many forms of expression, that you don't need to pay for, to get your feelings out. With a good friend you really don't need a counselor. (you could also ask me but, the closer to the person you are the better, and I cant guarantee a quick response,)

Ways NOT recommended -

Don't you dare go and touch your gun if you own one. Even if your out camping/hunting and you have your guns with you. DON'T DO IT. You don't want to hurt yourself or others because of your own anger or end up in jail with someone else's blood on your hands.

Same goes for drinking or doing drugs (other than weed. I actually recommend that you go smoke a bowl if your angry lol) If you are drinking while the feelings occur then STOP. if you are on drugs then STOP. if you are around others and feel the urge to hit them LEAVE. Just walk the fuck out! Go for a walk and think.

Breathe!

Ok so your done shooting yourself in the foot lol jk, and still feel upset, but you've calmed down. this is when I really like to write or talk out my feelings. Maybe it is one of those times when its an "I'm right" kind of thing, and that's fine. If you still truly and honestly feel that you are right then ok, maybe try to explain to yourself/have a good mental image, of why. Be clear in your understanding of the situation. But also take into consideration the other persons feelings. Try to find a happy, mutual ground you both can agree upon even if that's agreeing to disagree.

Crying - I should have addressed this in the paragraph above. Anyone who says crying is for girls can fuck off. IT IS OK TO CRY. That sometimes is the first form of expression. Babies cry, why cant adults? Oh because others see that as a form of weakness. WELL FUCK THEM. I don't get how that got stuck in ppls minds. It is a human response. And it does not show weakness. It shows that you fucking give a damn. Wouldn't you rather see someone cry than be completely null to the subject?

Well I hope that this has freed your mind and let things become orderly. If you have any questions feel free to ask. I really enjoy posting these and putting it out there for others. Even though doesn't seam like many people are reading them. I can at least inspire someone and get them on the right thinking path.

<<< For those of you who play Minecraft. I thought this was funny. my brother got me and my bf addicted to it lol.

<<< KILL THE BITCH!

Also be mindful of who you get in an argument with. some people aren't worth your time, and others are worth more than time itself. You don't want to ruin a friendship over something stupid.

Speaking of, if you are mad at someone because they are busy and haven't talked to you in a while. There is no reason to be mad. Just let them know you care, and if they want to talk, they will talk. Not talking to someone shouldn't hurt you. I know you miss them and want to talk to them but let them realize what they've missed. (I will elaborate more on this in a post about friends)

<<< pido: as long as its not me!!!

Whip out that chainsaw in your head and slice em open!!!! raaarrrrrr!!!!!! (that's what I do lol) >>>

Off with their heads!

Die motherfucka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pido: M calm down. calm d...ahhh!!!!!!!!!

Muahahahhahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




In case you haven't heard the song or would like to hear it again cuz your pissed and wanna kill! Here it is :P

M's Beauty Routine/Review Part 1

I've watched a lot of ppls "beauty picks" on YouTube. And while I was taking a bath I was inspired to make my own. This is more so aimed towards what you would use in the shower/bath tub and briefly on styling hair. Also this isn't just for girls, this is for guys also! or any other genders :P

Also I have really oily skin and I'm very picky of what I want to put on it. And I know, I know. Your really only supposed to wash your hair like once or twice a week. Well, I don't give a fuck, I wash mine everyday because I sweat hella bad every night and there's no way I'm going style my hair while greasy. That's disgusting. So I hope this will apply to those who have other skin types or will help you in some way.

Id like to real quick touch on why hygiene is important. It's just like how you're told to wash your hands often. Cleaning your self helps keep you from getting sick, disease, infections and spreading bacteria/viruses. It makes you physically and mentally feel good. Your appearance obviously improves and so does your smell :). Note: When you put on makeup ALWAYS put it on a clean face.

Ok first before we get into the actual soaps n stuffs we need some tools:

• Sponge or loofah: 

Aren't these cute :P I have a Fiona flamingo one from Walmart :P Actually I normally just use a regular one from the dollar tree. I like the larger ones rather than the small ones. But that is more of a personal preference. You could also use ones with a stick or handle. The stick ones are mainly for your back tho.

• Nail scrub brush:

No, I don't always use this every bathing session. But they are handy for if you garden often or really need to clean your nails. I like this kind because of the easy handle grip. good control.

•  Rubber ducky (Pido):

Pido: Because I am everywhereeeeeeeeeeee!!! ahahhahahaa

lol I have some mainly for my son but I've always loved rubber ducks :P

• Towel:

I prefer a plush towel. I know some people don't like that because then it feels like its not dry. (or they don't like using fabric softener.) But I'd rather feel something soft against my skin than an old rough towel. But if all you have is a rough one then that's fine too as long as its clean and doesn't smell like mildew >.<



Now that we have our tools. We're ready to start washing!

My Fav's - 

• Dove Deep Moisture or the off brand:

This specific line from dove is amazing because it leaves your skin clean and soft, not dry.  I NEVER have to use lotion. (+ lotion makes me feel more oily, I don't like it) I normally buy the off brand just because its cheaper. But it does the same results. The exfoliating one is good also but if you use it everyday you will begin to dry out because your skin wasn't made to have that happen everyday. That one is more so like a use once or twice a week. I actually haven't tried the sensitive skin one but I would like to and I'm sure it works well also.

•  Garnier:

Out of everything I've tried so far Garnier is my favorite. I like how they use natural oils from fruits and seeds. I like how my hair feels (in my hands while washing and afterwards). Here I'm showing triple nutrition, but the other ones I've tried I like also. Just depends on what you're looking for out of your shampoo and cond.

More on cond: If you have really dry hair, bleached, dyed your hair. I HIGHLY recommend getting a conditioner that comes in like a smaller round container. A deep cond that you leave in for 5 mins. I use one every time after I dye my hair. also any cond that you get in a hair dye package feels great also. I'm not recommending any specific kind because all that I've tried so far give me what I'm looking for. So I don't have a favorite yet.

•  Olay pore minimizing cleanser + scrub: 

Ok this is one of those things I feel like I cant live without. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU TRY THIS SHIT OUT! Its about 6-7$ and you can sometimes get Olay coupons. Ok so take a minute to feel the texture of your face. Just feel the groves, feel the oil, know what that feels like. THEN! (I like to wash my face with regular soap first and then this) wash your face thoroughly with this. Then feel the texture of your skin afterwards. OMGG smooth, clean, refreshing. It's amazing. nuff said.



 

•  St Ives apricot scrub or the off brand -

I love how this makes my skin feel also. I usually use the off brand of the green one. It is good for if you have in grown hairs. Rub the area with this to help make them come up to the surface. I even like using this on my arms, shoulders, bikini line. I don't like the kind at the dollar tree. It doesn't leave me feeling as clean.


Other alternatives that I like -(no images for these)

• Aussie - Makes my hair feel just as clean as Garnier. I say whichever is cheaper at the time, go for it.
• Olay - Another good soap. soft skin.
• Tresume - A lil cheaper, good for if your on a tighter budget. Still a good clean feeling but not as much as Garnier. Also! the white one is good for mixing with hair dye. I'll write a journal about why and that process later :)
• Suave - I put this here because if I were like extremely broke this is what I would buy, but I'd probably wash more than once. And also cuz I like the vanilla one :) *sniffs Mikeys hair*
• Axe - lol yes. I use my bf's soap. I like how it lathers up but it can leave you a little more dry.

What I've tried and didn't like -

• Vo5 - Doesn't feel like its doing anything. I still feel greasy. Even my friend David says he doesn't like it. Sure it might smell good and is cheap but that doesn't mean its doing its job.
• Washcloth - If you dont have a sponge I actually recommend just using your hand. On a washcloth it feels like the soap just stays there and doesn't lather up enough.
• Baking soda - http://www.diynatural.com/homemade-shampoo/    My friend was talking about trying this out. This is a good site, and the idea behind it is good. But I tried it and I just didn't like it. But hey, give it a shot and if you don't like it you can always wash your hair with your normal shampoo again.

What I would like to try -

•  Redken:

I love their 23 hair spray and the 06 rewind. But it's expensive >.<







Now that your all clean. Time to get out and put your hair in a towel. I say this because, 1) If you put on a shirt right afterwards it will drip on it and get wet and annoying. 2) Unless your going to go straight to blow drying your hair, put it in a towel.

Also: If you do plan on blow drying your hair you need it a certain % wet. Not soaking, but not starting to dry either. So it's best to just towel dry it or put in a towel for a few mins until you get to it. Then begin the hair styling process, but that is for another journal :) (part 2)

I hope you enjoyed this and learned something. GIVE THE OLAY STUFF A TRY! If you don't like it, your fucked up jk jk! Then give it to a friend as a gift, and they might like it :)


Hmm I normally add a video...

ERNIE IS NAKED! with his pido :D